I forgot to mention that I had tried to finish what I had left of high school when we lived on our on own, but again I struggled with feeling stupid and not being able to ask for help. I went through a program called vocational rehab. They helped me get into the classes and they were also going to help me enroll into an online grooming program that I found. I was able to start doing something I was really interested in. My plan was to get through the courses and start grooming from home. I was doing really well practicing on my dogs and I started advertising my business. By January 2013 I had a quite a few clients. My due date was fast approaching and I informed my clients I would be going on maternity leave soon.
In the middle of January our second son was born. We still had three names we were deciding on but when he was born I knew he was an Everett. I made it through his birth without any pain medication and it was hard! Shortly after he was born I was amazed that I actually did it . I was so proud of myself. I have a whole post about my birth story I will link here if you would like to read it more in detail. IT doesn’t tell you in that post that I had to have my placenta manually removed, which means the midwife had to reach inside me(elbow deep) and basically pull the placenta out. It was even worse than giving birth I think, and she didn’t give me much notice or other options. That was the start of a long journey to recovery, emotionally and physically. After she got it out, I was feeling a little bit better. I felt like I was more awake than when I had the epidural.
He was perfect and all of my gender disappointment went away instantly. I was so excited to be breastfeeding again, its one of my favorite parts of having babies, I love the bond it creates and I just all around love the experience, My goal was to breastfeed for two years. Breastfeeding started off great, I latched him on right after he was born and we both just took to it like we had been doing it for months already. He was feeding great and I was feeling ready to be out of the hospital. I wanted to go home right after he was born but they were a little concerned with his jaundice. They gave him a couple tests which showed he was slightly jaundice. They wanted me to supplement with formula because they didn’t think he was getting enough milk. Sometimes doctors are really good at taking advantage of the fact that I was young and I had just given birth, plus I know they were already unhappy with all of the things I was refusing and that we were pushing to get out of there asap.
I tried telling them that I wasn’t going to supplement, but they persisted. They even told me I wasn’t able to leave until they could see his levels going down, even though his levels were barely high enough to qualify as jaundice. A nurse brought in a whole pack of formula bottles for us to take home. They were really persistent and I finally gave in to giving him a bottle of formula and from that moment our breastfeeding journey went down hill. They finally let us go home with the pretense that we would be taking him to the doctor the next day, they even wanted us to have the appointment scheduled but I told them I didn’t have a pediatrician yet.
Once we got home I told Tyler I would NOT be feeding him formula because I knew it would mess up my milk supply. Having moms supplement just DECREASES their milk supply because they aren’t putting their baby to their breast as often, its a terrible way to try and help moms. After he had the bottle we struggled, bottles basically just drip into the baby’s mouth, they don’t have to work as hard as breastfeeding. So now he was just screaming when I would try to feed him. I was so mad that they ruined this for me. I was doing just fine. He had enough wet diapers so I know he was getting milk. And later I even learned that jaundice in breastfed babies can take a bit longer to decrease, but why doesn’t the hospital learn that?
Even though things were getting hard, I was very determined to breastfeed him. I kept going and it only took a night or two of him having a hard time that he finally got back to what we had.
In February 2013, one of my aunts got married. I remember attending her wedding I really didn’t have energy. Quite a few of my family members even commented on how pale I looked. I really didn’t think much of it. Until it got worse. I was weak, I was still bleeding from after I had Everett, so I scheduled an appointment to talk to my midwife.
She found out that I still had a piece of placenta in my uterus, which was preventing my uterus to return to the pre pregnancy size and that I really wasn’t going to stop bleeding until it was out. So they treated this situation pretty seriously. I was actually anemic too.
She referred me to an OBGYN so that I could get a dilation and curation. It was a procedure that I would be put under anesthesia for, and I was nervous. My mom was able to be there to help watch Everett and feed him a bottle I pumped, if he needed it.
I remember being put under so clearly. They put the mask over my face in that freezing cold room, as the nurse was waiting for me to go to sleep, I could feel my body shutting down before I was even out. I couldn’t breath and I started to panic and tried to speak. And then I woke up. It was the worst feeling I have ever experienced.
The surgery went very well and after that I felt SO much better. Now I felt like I was human again, I had energy and wasn’t so weak.
Having two kids didn’t feel as hard as I thought it would. Kash was old enough that he was fairly independent. Tyler was still working at O’Reilly and was actually going away again for a managers meeting. Again I wasn’t feeling good about it. I hated having him away while I was home with two kids now.
Luckily we made it through, but once he got back we talked about maybe finding another job that didn’t have so much travel involved.
To be continued…