We moved back into Tyler’s parents during the summer of 2013. We felt less crammed there. They were generous and gave us their master bedroom that was a great size for all four of us. I lost quite a bit of my grooming clients when we moved and I wasn’t sure where I was even going to groom at their house. We still had it in the back of our mind that we could get a house. Although it started to feel like it was escaping our grasp.
Tyler was starting to struggle being a manger, he didn’t like managing people, he was now being paid a salary and the company just felt off to work for. He didn’t feel like he had many options since he got the job while he was still supposed to be in high school, but then he dropped out and didn’t ever get his GED. We toyed around with the idea of him going back to school at night to finish his credits and possibly going to college to be a mechanic. That was what he wanted to do as a career. We started looking at our schedules and prices for the schooling. It almost felt doable.
I’m not trying to rush through to the next ‘big’ thing but I can’t really think of what happened the rest of 2013. Our kids just kept growing and that meant our parenting got different. We struggled to figure out the best way to parent Kash from the very beginning. Usually you do what your parents did or what you learn from a book if you read before you have a baby. At first it was lots of punishments, time-outs, trying to get him to do things our way without him having a say and that included using hitting(also referred to as spanking). By the time Everett was born I wanted to do different by them. I just felt deep in my soul that what we were doing was wrong.
I was able to find peaceful parenting/gentle parenting/respectful parenting. It blew my mind. Everything I read about felt like a kick in the pants. Of course this is how we are supposed to parent, I thought. If you wouldn’t treat your spouse or best friend the way you treat your kids there is something wrong. Kids are people, but most of the time they aren’t treated that way.
From then on, we made a change. To this day we are still putting in a conscious effort to remain respectful and to teach our kids without blame, shame or pain. Even most of the time without punishments. A quote that really reminds me why I do this is
Anyway, We were able to have a better relationship once we focused on connecting with Kash instead of trying to force him to be different.
Tyler and I were doing better than we had been, although we still had trouble communicating our needs. We can go weeks without any sort of “fighting” and then all of a sudden the whole world would come crashing down. I would still struggle with feelings of being inadequate and that would come into play a lot. I didn’t fully trust him and he knew it.
*Getting personal here*
It would still take me quite a while to be comfortable with him when we were intimate, probably due to my sexual abuse. I constantly ask him why he likes me, why he wants me. I can’t imagine how annoying that must be.`Luckily he is great at addressing my concerns.
Tyler really helped me more than he knows. He taught me how to stand up for myself, even if it meant standing up to him. He taught me how to speak my mind and that what most people think doesn’t matter. He taught me how to take care of myself, and that suicide wouldn’t ever help. I know I gave him a few scares too. He’s done so well getting me out of a spiral. Especially with not knowing what depression is and just being thrown into it.
During this year we also bought me a jeep wrangler, she’s so pretty!
At the end of the year Tyler decided he wanted to save up to go to USBS nationals, aka a big bowling tournament. It was going to be in Reno in 2014, so we started saving up and making it a plan.
The year passed so quickly, as it always seems to. Kash turned 5 and my baby was about to be 1. We felt really good and we had even been talking to my family about them moving to a bigger house and us all living together. It wasn’t serious talk..yet.
To Be Continued…