Can you control your kids?

I homeschool my 3 kids,  mostly just the older one because the others are still pretty young. I also try to be a peaceful, respectful parent to them. Meaning, I let them have a say in their life, I make sure to use non-violent communication, let them have feelings but limit their behavior.

Just today K got into some arguments with his brothers and when I stepped in to try to help, he got defensive, told me he doesn’t get respect and also told me that I can only talk to him about things he likes otherwise he will just ignore me. Now when that is being said to you as a parent, usually your first reaction is HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT!

But that is where I struggle. I don’t want to create more disconnect between us with me telling him that I am the boss and everything I say goes, etc. On the other hand I do feel like he needs to understand that there are times in relationships that you need to be open and willing to listen to the other person, even if it’s not something you “like”. I just don’t know how to get through to him. Our relationship is already really strained, sometimes I wonder if we can even get back to being really connected. I don’t feel like yelling at him or trying to control him would even work. BUT WHAT DO I DO? I can’t keep locking myself in my room, crying because I don’t know what to do.

I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

So what would you do? Any advice is appreciated.

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